February 2025 Microposts
@@@ date: 2025-02-12 time: 10:37 Last night, on the subway ride back to my apartment, I was overcome by the deep desire to lovingly attend to everything and everyone around me. I wanted to bring attention to all the fine details of people’s faces, the missed every day moments, the aesthetic qualities and pure suchness of all things and phenomenon and sensations that I will ever come across. I want to be like an open vessel, listening, receiving, being impressed by the world. This kind of work is the work of looking, of quieting the mind and opening one’s heart. I wanted to have the ability to draw people’s faces, to describe without interpretation what was happening, every last detail in the subway. @@@
@@@ date: 2025-02-05 time: 15:49 I’m in the monthly CAPS meeting right now. The conversation being had is sharply bringing to reality the power and impact of language and the necessity of understanding history to make sense of the present moment. We work in a context where language is used to represent and enable healthcare for people. The fact that we’re discussing how to change our language in service of this goal reflects the current predicament. This is exactly what we were experimenting with last night at the attention lab. I really want to dive into the ways that language is used in culture, and how it’s connected to tyranny. Maybe it’s time to read some Wittgenstein and Snyder’s “On Tyranny”. @@@
@@@ date: 2025-02-05 time: 11:33 Dzog’chen movement this morning was great. I felt more clarity and spaciousness after practicing the movements with the others. It’s a small group, mostly full of familiar faces. It was a little difficult getting up in the morning (I laid in bed watching old videos I’d made) but I’m glad I made it. It’s a beautiful practice. I went to get a burrito afterwards, and went to the bookstore to check out a recommendation by Katie from the Strother School, Staying with the Trouble. Maybe it was my racing mind, or intellectual insecurity, but I couldn’t quite connect to the contents of the book. If I really want to read it, I’m going to have to slow down and read it slowly as intended. I’d like to read it, as I think the themes are relevant and interesting. The cover is also lovely. But I don’t think I’m deeply interested. Not really feeling up for reading The Republic right now, either. @@@
@@@ date: 2025-02-04 time: 13:01 Steady progress on understanding The Republic. It takes me a few focused sessions to understand like 2-3 pages lol. Which is fine. This stuff is unironically hard! Also, it’s a funny realization to see that I spend a lot of my time ruminating about what I should be doing, rather than just doing stuff, but also that, I doo too much stuff. It’s no wonder I feel disconnected from myself and my desires and feelings sometimes, as Jay mirrored to me. The goal for this week is to simply give myself more idle time. @@@
@@@ date: 2025-02-03 time: 18:27 Gym in the morning. Listened to lecture 6 of Ukrainian history. Almost done with Math Foundations I. Working through JS tutorial. Finished book I of Plato’s Republic. Was a bit sad between, but it feels good to make progress on these things, bit by bit. I signed up for some sidewalk studies with SoRA and a book club meeting in three weeks. @@@
@@@ date: 2025-02-03 time: 08:20 A video (Sad Girl Days Are Over) I need to watch over and over again. The density of goodness in this is so high. “I don’t think there’s a choice to not be sad, but there is a choice to be happy.”
A relevant comment: “You know whats weird? Alot of the time, I’ll end up THINKING that im miserable. Thinking of bad memories etc… but then i ask myself how i feel. (I end up having to ask myself that because i actually tend to ignore my emotions) And when i focus on how i actually FEEL rather than my thoughts. I realize Im actually comfortable and perfectly happy. The bad ‘feelings’ were coming from my thoughts and not my feelings.” @@@