Camino

Day 15. We’re sitting amid a small gathering of dining tables in the main plaza of Burgos with a bottle of wine and plates of tapas. The patrons and pilgrims look happy, the cathedrals tower above us. I look up and ask myself: is there such a thing as a good goodbye?

Marieke looks content and tells her squirrel joke again. I try to listen, but my attention has been seized by the fact that she is leaving tonight. I sip my wine, and we continue talking. Stepan is with us. He strikes me as a winter wolf in human form. His hair is white like snow with splashes of gray. He’s observant and quiet. Does Marieke notice the way he looks at her? Or how I do too?

“Phil! I have a genius idea. You’re really going to like it.”

It’s day 12. Marieke, Stepan (a walker from The Czech Republic we met a few days ago), and I go to the top of a hill to catch the sunset. We sift through an amber field of grass and wheat and settle ourselves in a small circular clearing. The sky is cloudless, a cool breeze is present.

We talk for awhile, about what I can’t remember, but I feel wonderfully content. When the sun begins its descent into the horizon, we are overcome by the growing silence of the landscape. The birds are chirping louder and louder with every passing minute, almost as if they were calling to their friends, “Come! The miracle is happening again!” Then their voices disappear. Layer by layer, the orange and pinkish hues fade into the dark absolute of space and night while the stars took their place against the blackened sky.

In the morning we walk to Pamplona, our first city. I run into Maria and chat with her for a brief moment before running off with the girls for breakfast. I didn’t know it then, but that would be my final conversation with her. One thing the Camino teaches you, by nature of necessity, is how to let go. People, places, your past. The present demands it be so.

We stop at a small bakery near the entrance of the city. The owners are friendly, the chocolate and pastries delectable.

Another gray and rainy day. We sleep in and start walking at 8am. After the deep and enlightening conversations of yesterday, we decide to walk in solitude –– together but left to the vicinity of our inner worlds.

My feelings throughout the morning are in contrast with the highs of the previous. I am in a blue, melancholic state of mind. Thoughts of the future, about something out of reach. What if I return unchanged? What if the Camino turns out to be a waste of time?

I run into Matilde and Franca while departing from Roncesvalles. They’re heading in the opposite direction, back toward the albergue, when they call out to me.

I wake up to the sound of creaking bunk beds, rustling backpacks, and hushed chatter. It’s 5:30 a.m. Time to go.

There’s small talk of good weather and stellar walking conditions. Free bread as stiff as stones. I devour as much of it as I can and head out.

The first day is supposed to be arduous: 27 kilometers from Saint-Jean to Roncesvalles, with a gradual gain of 1400 meters in elevation. It’s dark, cold, and misty out. I equip myself with a smile, shoulder my rucksack, and begin to put one foot in front of the other.

The Camino de Santiago is a network of pilgrimage routes that ultimately converge on the city of Santiago de Compostela in Northwestern Spain, where the great Saint James is rumored to be buried.

I walked the most popular route, the Camino Frances. It begins at Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port in Southern France, a small city located north of the Pyrenees, and totals about 500 miles across Spain to the city of Santiago de Compostela. Many walk the Camino for spiritual and religious reasons. I walked in search of myself.

In May of 2017, while working in a Title I Elementary school in New Hampshire, I read a little fable called “Rebirth” by Kaval Ravikant.

The main character, Amit, is unable to return home after the death of his estranged father. He wanders, lost and filled with pain and grief, and is led to the Camino de Santiago. There he meets many travelers and pilgrims. Some are lost and searching for answers, others are running from their past, all have a story to share. Along the month-long journey, he is faced with the big questions of life, causing him to grow in a new direction and way of being.